Why Should I Cry For You?

iPod Shuffle has done it again. Brought me to a state of sadness in the middle of work. Why should I cry for you? Did you ever cry for me? Could you ever love me like I deserved?

Why Should I Cry For You
by Sting

Under the dog-star sail
Over the reefs of moonshine
Under the skies of fall
North-north-west, the stones of Faroe

Under the Arctic fire
Over the seas of silence
Hauling on frozen ropes
For all my days remaining
Would north be true?

All colours bleed to red
Asleep on the ocean's bed
Drifting in empty seas
For all my days remaining
Would north be true?
Why should I, why should I cry for you?
Dark angels follow me
Over a godless sea
Mountains of endless fog
For all my days remaining

What would be true?
Sometimes I see your face,
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I? Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say,
'I loved you in my fashion?'
What would be true?
Why should I, why should I cry for you?
Why should I cry?

I Still Think About You

Even though I shouldn't. Even though its over. Even though I'm moving on and you've moved on already.

Tangible memories are fading, mostly through force of will. I have pushed away the sparkling ones I used to hold dear. They are much too painful, and I cannot live my life in the past. If I do, it will only delay the future, when I will meet a man who will love me completely, who I will love completely in return.

Don't judge me too harshly for pushing you away. In this moment, I still care about you.

Its Been Awhile

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I first saw you
And it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

It's been awhile
Since I can say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile since I can say I love myself as well and
And it's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do
And it's been awhile but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it's me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry

Standing still

I want to run and hide. I want to smoke and drink. I want to cry, I want to scream.

And instead I am here. Standing still.

Breathe... breathe...

I want to go to my usual escapes. Men who flirt with me and alcohol to soothe me.

And instead I am here. Standing still.

Trying to breathe...

When does it get better?

I shouldn't be listening to this music. But then again, I should. I need to grieve. It just sucks, is all.

Vertical Horizon: Best I Ever Had

Lyrics:
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

Settling in

Ahhhhh a new situation, a new start. Settling in now, testing out the solitude. Some days are easier than others. Some days I'm haunted by the silence. Where are the happy sounds I used to hear? Other times I relish the silence. Breathe deeply in this space that is mine.

But today was one of the former, not the latter. And with that, I give you Ben Harper, Another Lonely Day (mp3). I know it comes and goes, and that in the end, it will all be ok. Just let me have my moments, alright?