What is up with iTunes Shuffle today? All songs about love. Which is strange because I feel strangely flat and nuetral today:

I Feel Loved (Chamber's Remix) by Depeche Mode
Reach for Love by Ollabelle
Love's Labour's Lost by Love Spiral Downwards
Let's Start a Family by Bonnie "Prince" Billy

Settling down, feeling less overwhelmed. Had a fight with myself last night (disagreement, really ;) about how I wanted to spend my evening.

productive me: "You should practice cello"
lazy me: "UGH. Let's go see Die Hard at the Parkway"
productive me: "We are trying not to drink beer, plus it starts late"
lazy me: "So what? We don't have to be anywhere in the morning"
productive me: "Wait, I don't think we are even interested in seeing that movie"
lazy me: "Let's look at the trailer... huh. Yeah, you're right. Let's watch LOTR instead."
productive me: "NO!! Practice the damn cello for 15 minutes, you'll feel better afterwards."
lazy me: "Oh ALRIGHT!!"

Then my cello bow snapped. So I watched the second disc of Return of the King and went to bed.

Tearing it all down

Here I am again. At the eye of the storm. Putting my foot down. Trying to make sense of the chaos. I drive home from my best friend's house, put my iPod on shuffle. And this song comes up:

Throw it All Away
by Zero 7

Try talking to you
While you do, while you do
I swap places with you
Just to see things through
Just sing me the tune
And you'll see
I'll keep it here for you
I'll wait for your cue

You wrote down all the words
Black and white
On a wall
Just keepin' it so
Yeah you know how it goes
No plans for a change, nothing strange
No not today no way
Now sing me the tune

Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway

So you twist and you turn
Uncomfortable fool, you'll never learn
But you can take a stand
Forget all about the plans California rose

Side one track two
On a record of you
I've even stuck on a groove
That I don't wanna lose
Just play it again, as a friend
It's your favorite worn-in shoes
Now sing me the tune

Cash it in and throw it all away, yeah
Never needed any of it anyway

So you crash, and you burn
Sometimes the road will twist and turn
Some of this, less of that
Forget all about the map California road

Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway

Cash it in and throw it all away, yeah
Never needed any of it anyway

Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway

Cash it in and throw it all away
Never needed any of it anyway

What if...

What if the universe gave me everything I asked for? Would I take it? Would I even believe it was there, in front of me?

What if I met someone who was everything I ever wanted. Would I give in? Would I let go of the past and the hurt?

What if my life started to align itself to the things I had been calling into being. Would it feel real? Or like a dream?

Its all very strange right now. And wonderful. And giddy. And upsetting, at times. Confronting myself in the best possible way.

I need to start writing lyrics again. I've been distracted in the most delicious way...

An Interesting Time in My Life

Yes, I'm thinking of the scene from Fight Club. At the end of the movie, the beginning of the rest of their lives. Standing with hands held together, watching the collapse of structures that hold us all back. Holding breath, wondering if self will collapse in the process. Are we really safe standing here? For now I will stand still, breathe, let it be.

And then I heard this song, and it seemed to fit:

CHANGE A COME
c. 2005 Hyim

Sometimes ya work it in
Sometimes ya work it out
Sometimes ya work it baby
Sometimes it gives ya something to be about

(((Chorus)))
Change a come
That’s all it is
Change a come
In my warm arms and a moving breeze
Change a come
That’s all it is

Singing for the saints and cynics in my head
Laying to rest my need to know
That what I do
Will change the world
Cuz it already has, yeah
It already has

(((Chorus)))

Dreaming of possible outcomes in hopeful hymns
Sometimes ya work it out, sometimes ya work it in
I don’t place all my hope in big hope
But I ballot punch and then I amp my vote
You know, I don’t lay all my hope in big vote
But I ballot punch and then I amp my hope
Rock the boat, and I call the quote, and I sing my note
Fast or slow…always:

(((Chorus)))

http://hyimvibe.com/

Sunrise, Sunset

A little photograph of the view off my balcony. I absolutely love living here, and this is one the main reasons why. Sunsets are fabulous. And when they fade, there is a valley of twinkling lights below.

Now, why did I have to go ahead and think of that old song from Fiddler on the Roof?? Jeeeeez

I told C. the other day, that the older I get, the more everything reminds me of a song. Soon the only thing coming out of my mouth will be regurgitated song lyrics and movie lines. Not an original thought in the bunch! Okay, well, that's probably an exageration.

Things are evening out, settling down. At first, this was a let down. But now I've settled into the groove of my new life. Actually spent the last couple days resting up, as it seems I've been overdoing it a bit lately.

I have a line on a cello I might buy on Thursday. We shall see!