the story of jennifer wilde

movie: one for the mummy! no? oh mama mia

2008-08-26T07:52:00.000-07:00

After the day I had yesterday, I decided to take myself to see the Mummy. Action-adventure fluff seemed like just the ticket. Only... when I got there, the schedule was wrong: Mama Mia started at 7pm. Not wanting to wait until 945 for the Mummy, I bought my ticket. I had been mildly interested in the film, as my sister and I would sing along with ABBA videos when we were kids (we had them on LASERDISC! ha!) Here is the movie trailer:

SPOILER ALERT:

As I remarked to the concession attendant, part way through the film "there is a lot of singing in this movie". This reaffirmed the fact, for me, that musicals are very tricky things to get right. One of my favorite movies of all time, the Moulin Rouge, is one of the few musicals I actually like.

The girl behind the counter came back with "yeah there is a lot of Pierce Brosnan singing". I was confused, because I hadn't seen him sing yet. And then... whoo boy. I really like Pierce, and love that he has taken a risk, but it was too much for me to see him sing. The audience laughed, which, because this is a comedy, isn't a complete insult. But still, he is the leading man.

Okay and here I have to admit that the romantic in me got caught up in how he asked her to marry him (and she said yes!!) - that was sweet. But the best part is at the end, during the first part of the credits: the three women perform a song, in full disco drag, and then the three MEN come out in the most over the top costumes EVER and sing as well. Had me rolling in the aisles.

I made the mistake of sitting next to a very enthusiastic fan, who had already seen the movie once. Lots of clapping and laughing at all parts of the film. But she was on the side that I can't hear much, so it wasn't too bad.

Then I came home and had a breakdown around my studio. Still feeling bummed out about that.

a difficult morning

2008-08-25T12:36:00.001-07:00

Excruciating conversation this morning with Sky's dad. Obviously there is still a lot of unresolved anger on both sides. I spent the last four hours crying, raging. Talked with friends who have been through it, and got some good perspective, but just SAD and ANGRY.

Managed to compose a neutral email to D to clarify, acknowledge the anger on both sides, and suggest possibly returning to therapy. He replied within the hour (amazing!) with his own email saying basically the same thing.

This is all so hard.

a beautiful day in Santa Cruz

2008-08-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

My bf and I took our kids to the Boardwalk on Sunday. It was a gorgeous day! My favorite part was spending time at the beach. The water was nice and cool on a hot day. It felt deliciously slippery around my legs.

Sky got completely soaked! At one point, he went under a wave. I raced in to haul him up, soaking my iPhone in the process. He sputtered and announced "mom, that was SO COOL!!!" So much for me saving his life! ;)

Today I went in to the Apple store and bought a new iPhone. DOH!!!

movies: tropic thunder

2008-08-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

Saw Tropic Thunder today while my dear son played with his cousin. I have to say, I'm not a big Ben Stiller comedy fan. In fact, the first 15 minutes or so I was wondering if I should walk out. But I stuck through, and actually enjoyed the film (although there will still plenty of wincing moments).

The best part (for me) was Tom Cruise playing a balding, fat, hairy, meglomaniac Hollywood bigwig. Man, I could NOT stop laughing, he was awesome!! He is the whole reason I am glad I saw Tropic Thunder.

Weird site note: the guy who plays the sycophantic assistant to Tom Cruise's character looks SCARILY like my ex-boyfriend, who's life imploded before he left the Bay Area. Check it out:

Maybe its just an Irish thing. I don't know. Anyway, I couldn't stop staring at him everytime he was on screen. It was odd. Still trying to shake it.

video: mother/son camping - nighttime fun

2008-08-17T19:11:00.001-07:00

Again, I [heart] iMovie. It makes this video thing sooooo easy:

hope that worked... YouTube told me it was still processing the video, but damnit, I'm impatient!

;)

video: mother/son camping

2008-08-17T17:35:00.001-07:00

I [heart] my mac and iMovie. Today I jumped into video editing and made a little movie of our camping trip this past week:

ok, now i need to figure out how to make the video look better.. if that is possible...

i have sound!

2008-08-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

I posted earlier about my woes in setting up my receiver. Thanks to a mark, I now have it all set up correctly! What was the problem, you ask? Why, I was sticking the wires in the wrong hole.

movie: the red violin

2008-08-11T00:14:00.000-07:00

Since I started playing the cello this year, this movie caught my eye. I picked it up at my local library. It tells the complex story of a very special violin, one that spans 400 years, from Europe to Asia, to America. From its passionate beginnings to suspenseful end, I found myself wondering what the final fate of this instrument might be.

And to think I almost returned it before I watched it!

The Red Violin

charlotte sometimes: a reunion

2008-08-10T21:38:00.001-07:00

Its my 20th year high school reunion; I graduated a year early at age 17. The fact that I am going, and looking forward to going (with my dear dear friend Russ, yay!!) is a minor miracle.

There was much darkness in my early school years. Lots of therapy in the past few years has shed light on what happened, and healed that place in me. I even wrote a song about the process, called Unraveling (check out Unraveling on my music site).

This reminisce started tonight, when "Charlotte Sometimes" came up on iTunes. I loved that song in high school. All the Cure songs resonated with that deeply wounded part of myself.

It also made me remember my 10 year reunion, how scared I was to go. I listened to Tori Amos songs on the way up, raw and jagged in my emotionally fragile state. I started drinking early and too much. Poor D had to take care of me. The funny thing is that I was so busy trying not to fall into a timewarp to my younger self, that I couldn't see people for who they were in the present time.

I listen to the song now and it tells the story of a sad girl who wanted for so long to wake up in a different

Charlotte Sometimes
the Cure
(listen to mp3)

all the faces
all the voices blur
change to one face
change to one voice
prepare yourself for bed
the light seems bright
and glares on white walls
all the sounds of
charlotte sometimes
into the night with
charlotte sometimes

night after night she lay alone in bed
her eyes so open to the dark
the streets all looked so strange
they seemed so far away
but charlotte did not cry

the people seemed so close
playing expressionless games
the people seemed
so close
so many
other names...

sometimes i'm dreaming
where all the other people dance
sometimes i'm dreaming
charlotte sometimes
sometimes i'm dreaming
expressionless the trance
sometimes i'm dreaming
so many different names
sometimes i'm dreaming
the sounds all stay the same
sometimes i'm dreaming
she hopes to open shadowed eyes
on a different world
come to me
scared princess
charlotte sometimes

on that bleak track
(see the sun is gone again)
the tears were pouring down her face
she was crying and crying for a girl
who died so many years before...

sometimes i dream
where all the other people dance
sometimes i dream
charlotte sometimes
sometimes i dream
the sounds all stay the same
sometimes i'm dreaming
there are so many different names
sometimes i dream
sometimes i dream...

charlotte sometimes crying for herself
charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself
but it's always with love
with so much love it looks like
everything else
of charlotte sometimes
so far away
glass sealed and pretty
charlotte sometimes

Feeling good

2008-08-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

This morning I got an email from my sister in law saying she and my brother had decided to move back to the States. I can't tell you how happy that makes me, which is kinda strange, since we hardly ever spent time together while they were here. Before they left, they came to Oakland, and I took them to the Parkway Speakeasy Theater (food, beer/wine, couches and movies??? what's not to love?!?!) and had a great time hanging out with them.

I emailed her to tell her I was glad, and I knew it must have been a hard decision. She emailed back to say that they realized they want to put more time and effort into the relationships they miss here, and that I was at the top of the list.

Can't tell you how good that made me feel!

dr horrible: funny stuff

2008-08-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, time spent online seems so ... pointless and time consuming.

And then you find Dr Horrible:

Laughed my a$$ off. Hey, Neil Patrick Harris has a good voice! :)

sometimes i feel like such a girl...

2008-08-09T19:34:00.001-07:00

...and not in a good way.

A few months back (ok, like 6 months ago), I stopped being able to play music on my computer. I had it hooked up to a receiver, which was connected to a pair of speakers I got from an ex boyfriend who left the Bay Area (long story. sigh). I believed the problem was with the receiver, since it was old and janky (kinda warped on the top, tended to overheat). So I FINALLY got a new receiver (which I kept mistakenly calling an "amp" which made all the guys at Best Buy confused), and now I cannot hook up my damn speakers to save my LIFE.

Here is what it looks like from the back (someone else's photo, god knows I would never take this thing apart):
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t161/SethKL/Picture016.jpg

(posted here: http://forums.audioholics.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-38918.html)

I put the speaker wire in the appropriate holes. I tightened the screws all the way, and the wires just fell out.

Am I using wire that is too thin? I don't even know where to begin searching. I tried googling "insignia NS-R2000 stereo receiver speaker wire problem connecting" and my problem isn't even in the results. Which makes me feel SO LAME, like no one ever had trouble doing this and what the HELL is my problem???

I'm getting a glass of wine. Perhaps I'll calm down enough to rethink this.

But meanwhile, this falls under the category of "I cannot figure this shit out", joining things like "installing a shelf", "setting up my recording studio". I hate to think I need some man to come in and help me, but ARRRRGGGHHH!!! If that is the way it has to be!!!

custom love songs

2008-08-03T22:39:00.000-07:00

I... really don't know what to say about this. The song I am listening to is simply awful. I know the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but... no.

http://www.tailoredmusic.com

dear god.

book review: the third angel

2008-07-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

I had totally forgotten about this book! I read it a few weeks ago, and just saw it linked from "The Rain Before it Falls".

What I liked about this book was that it looked at three generations of women and how their lives intertwined, sometimes without their knowledge. It starts with the present and works backward, which at first was confusing. But I came to appreciate this approach as it made for greater suspense as the book moved toward the originating event. The women are complex and easy to empathize.

The Third Angel
by Alice Hoffman

Summary (from Amazon):
"In this elegant and stunning novel, veteran heartstring-puller Hoffman (Here on Earth; Seventh Heaven) examines the lives of three women at different crossroads in their lives, tying their London-centered stories together in devastating retrospect."

book review: the rain before it falls

2008-07-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

Just finished a novel in record time: less than 3 days! I haven't picked up a new book since my trip to San Diego a few weeks ago. Every book I've picked up recently was either too close to home, or didn't grab me. This book was a pleasant surprise, as I was not entirely convinced that I was going to read it by perusing the description on the jacket.

I really enjoyed his writing style and turn of phrase. The narrative painted bleak landscapes of family history, colored with an unexpected depth of feeling and complexity. It was like a gray muggy sky for me, moist and heavy, at times cold, then unexpectedly warm.

I finished it on the way to work this morning. It lingers still in my mind, which is always the sign of a good book.

The Rain Before it Falls
by Jonathan Coe

Summary (from Amazon):
"Time seems to collapse in this troubling family saga, more notable for its meditative aspects than for its relatively straightforward story of betrayal and loss. From her deathbed, the elderly Rosamond tells the story of her life and relationships through a series of photographs dating from nineteen-thirties rural England to London in the nineteen-eighties."

dream: don't run from the snake

2008-07-29T07:14:00.001-07:00

Another dream, last week:

I was driving with my son through this ruin, stone carvings, moss covered, the jungle growing up and through them. I saw a statue of a fertility god, with a round belly and laughing face. I parked the car and ran up to touch it. Then I noticed the ENORMOUS snake in the pool surrounding the figure. I started to run away, and the snake rose up out of the pool. Its head was above mine, it was at least three feet in diameter. I stopped, and thought to myself "If I run, it will surely kill me. If I stay still, I have a chance"

I felt a big thump on the top of my head, and knew that the snake had bitten me, and I was going to die.

my bodhisattva vow

2008-07-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I went to an all-day meditation retreat whose theme was the Bodhisattva Vow. The Bodhisattva is a Buddhist figure, a being whose mission in life (and across all their lifetimes) is the enlightenment of all beings.

As lofty as this sounds, we can take on the aspiration to be an ordinary bodhisattva. For me, that means lifting my spiritual practice from one of purely self-realization to one that includes service to and awareness of others.

here is my bodhisattva vow:

May I always act with wisdom and love.
May I radiate joy to everyone around me.
May I bring clarity and compassion to all beings.

now, I may not acheive those all the time. BUT it gives me something to shoot for. one of the teachers told us her vow was to always see the beauty in others. She also read a poem about a convenience store clerk whose smile transformed her experience of life, in the wake of her father's death. That man was an ordinary bodhisattva.

it is a turning point in my spirituality. it was one of the most profound experiences of my life.

an ordinary bodhisattva

2008-07-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I am going to a day-long meditation retreat at Spirit Rock. I'm looking forward to the silence, although I will miss my little guy.

I am particularly inspired by this retreat: The Bodhisattva Vows

From the Spirit Rock website:

This daylong will explore the Bodhisattva, the vows he or she takes, the living embodiments, and how any of us can become an "Ordinary Bodhisattva"; dedicating our practice to the liberation of all things, without exception.

...we will hold the fourth annual Spirit Rock Bodhisattva Ceremony, where we can take our version of the bodhisattva vows to deepen our practice and connect with all things.

Special thanks to J for watching my boy so I can attend.

dream: the world is on fire

2008-07-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

Last night's dream:

I went to the parking lot to get my car, and D had it painted purple. I argued with the attendant, asking him how he could have let this happen as it is MY car.

I pulled out of the lot, looked out and saw block after block of office buildings and skyscrapers (i was downtown). and I saw all these buildings on fire. I looked closer, and saw the flames engulf a block of buildings. it was coming my way.

I backed up to pull out the other way, to try to outrun the flames. I looked across and saw the fire race past me. then the flames engulfed me, and i thought "so this is how it feels to die". I did not feel any pain.

This morning I made an appointment for D and I to meet with a paralegal to start our divorce.

ask and you shall receive

2008-07-16T11:57:00.001-07:00

The dark lord (TDL) and my best friend (MBF) came over to my house last night and I had a lovely time with both of them. TDL helped me get my studio working (the culprits: one bad USB cable, one bad mic cable, one spazzy audio interface) There is still a high pitched whine, but its not audible on recording, just in the headphones.

So now I can start working on music at home again :)

ALSO I helped create an animated presentation (basically a two minute ad) for my company, to be shown the exec team today. I did some design and scored the music. It was SO FUN. Made with Soundtrack (Apple) and its basic loops.

Okay universe, thank you!!

I had a dream about you last night

2008-07-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

We were giggling together, like children.
I turned away to catch my breath.
You came up behind me (I could feel you smiling)
and whispered in my ear a question
to which I replied a single word:

"music"

We both became hushed.

your myspace comments won't save you

2008-07-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

I downloaded this song a few months ago. It amused me then and still does :)

Your MySpace Comments Won't Save You
by Dustin and the Furniture

source
(which also features songs titled "Look Who Got a Website" and "I Started a Blog Nobody Read")

I miss making music

2008-07-11T10:32:00.001-07:00

I had some words float into my head today, took note on my iPhone. I've stalled out getting my studio together. Sigh.

How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight?

2008-07-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

OK, I have to admit this cracked me up.. especially since my son is 5 years old:

19

Created by OnePlusYou

Big Deal

2008-06-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

Listening to a song by Everything but the Girl that I've never heard. I swear to god. How did it get into my iTunes?

Big Deal

You don't know what's wrong, you only know it isn't right.
You don't remember for how long, but you wake in tears at night.
Big deal.
Big deal.

You spend four nights a week now looking for your inner child.
What you gonna say when you find him?
Suppose you don't like him or he doesn't like you?
Suppose once you wake him up he won't go back to bed and wants to stay up late
Watching TV?
But you say there must be some reason why you feel this way.
Big deal, that's the way we all feel.
Big deal, what is it you wanna feel?
Big deal, that's the way we all feel.
Big deal, what is it you wanna feel?

You say you wanna get cured, you wanna turn off your head.
Oh and you say it hurts, and you feel unsure.
First you doubt yourself and then you doubt her.
Big deal, that's the way we all feel.
Big deal, what is it you wanna feel?
Big deal, that's the way I feel.
Big deal, what she think she feels?
What is it you wanna feel?
I don't think you wanna feel